am i even there?
am i incidental?
am i a comfortable, warm bed
and fresh sweet water to drink
am i the songs you play
or the space where ones which bring me to mind would lie
am I the outskirt of your photo
a name unsaid in conversation
am I the poems you’ll never write
an empty space drowning in an overflowing mind
am I a shadow of a scorch mark
the pocket devoid of oxygen left behind
am I the cool rushing in afterwards
drawn in in relieved breaths
yet nothing more than air
am i a collection of returned “I love you”s
set aside as you look behind
until I’m left by the wayside in due time looming
if i am, how much could I say I mind
seeing your smile, your eyes shine in the morning
feeling your soft arms pull me in tight
your heartbeat settle
every ‘i love you’ still peeks from the pockets of a laugh
or an egg fried with 老干媽
from every story you tell with dizzying intent
to every quiet moment shared in the company of song
how could I turn from your gentle, relieved breaths
and regret being nothing more than all-embracing, giving life,
intertwined with sunlight, permeating all that we hear
how could I think that worthless, or gratitude-bereft?
I know I’ll hear my names in time
and learn to see where they already reside
I know your hands are warm in mine
and my heart can rest safely in yours
your soul is kind, endlessly giving
you speak in actions, the chances you find
to share in a single moment the world
the ones that you love mean in your eyes
walking together in catch-breath, you stop, looking down
pick up a frangipani
and place it in my hair
your sweet smile, gentle cheeks glowing
and i am reminded, i am assured
yes, I’m really there