1:50am on an unfamiliar bench
my stomach aches, my eyes ache, my heart
is still
the flame methodically starved of its air
the air around me swirls with music and voices
i can pull them apart when i listen
two songs in either ear, a cough from behind
possibly a third tune to my more distant right?
as another row of trolleys rolls past, it all dissolves once more into noise
1:54am and I want to leave the bench
another set of trolleys rolls past left to right
more people right to left
my right cheek now aches too for some reason
the people only ever come from my right
the trolleys only ever from my left
the world deserves you
i will stake my life on it with fearful certainty
you sing shadows into being and give them a heartbeat
yet swallow stifling, searing light until the knife twists
i will stake my life on your words, your actions
your mind and all which spills from it endlessly
as i watch the tears fall with stilted melody onto the rosewood
2:04am paralysed upon the bench
you are far away
the noise grows louder
i struggle to pull it apart
until an announcement calls over the murmur
you are far away
yet hardly far at all
i hope it’s rain i hear
over these stark, marble floors
maybe I’ll lie down in it
whether the rain falls or not
and picture you next to me
hand on my arm
wiping away a tear
and picture you next to me
with a wry, improbable smile
and a flower between your fingers
and picture you next to me
despite everything
despite it all